Solitary, Together
Overcoming Loneliness by Coming Home to Yourself Through Intentional Communities
at this time, you might have a busy, full life, spilling over with the budding promises of spring. Or you might be in a season of harvest, reaping the hard work of your efforts, preparing for slower days- In any case, you understand that solitude can be a precious gift when experienced under the right circumstances—a gift that is entirely distinct from loneliness.
You see, when we battle loneliness, as many of us do at all stages of life, our hearts take on the heavy weight of perceived separation from others—a negative longing, if you will. This feeling of loneliness seldom has to do with the number of people around us, or how busy our schedules become. solitude, however, is something different entirely. I like to think of solitude as becoming friends with yourself again—a kind of presence with ourselves I believe might only be possible when we are living well.
So the question begs: how ought we live, so as to live well? How might we swim in the glorious sea of solitude without being overcome by the waves of loneliness and anxiety? At the end of the day, how do we sit with ourselves with a sense of peace and fulfilment? Is the structure of our daily living and dwelling contributing to the heaviness of our hearts?
Some are beginning to think the answer is yes.
According to the US Census Bureau, the most desirable kind of home for the modern American seems to be a detached single family home with open living spaces, access to community amenities, and some nature nearby. We feel uneasy about a lack of privacy fences and skeptical if someone comes to our door. We might like our neighbors well enough, but we keep them at arm's length, lest they require something from us that disrupts the rhythms of our private days. our tight schedules, our time, our porches, our wooden welcome signs—they often aren’t for other people. Not in the final analysis, anyway. It might be the case that They give the appearance of community without the essence of community. More on this in a moment.
It’s not anyones fault, really. Builders develop neighborhoods with a certain structure in mind, and we dwell in those spaces... but some are noticing a possible fault in the housing structure as we know it today.
Some are pushing back.
Co-housing Communities- a possible solution
According to the Co-housing Association, there are hundreds of “co-housing communities” popping up all over America—and it’s no wonder. Unlike our traditional rows of detached living spaces, These dwellings are a kind of intentional community where people have their own homes but also share communal areas like a big kitchen and dining space. The idea is to build close relationships and engage with one another through shared meals, activities, and teamwork in decision-making. It's all about living more interactively with your neighbors while still enjoying your personal space at home.
“ where every home is surrounded by caring, collaborative neighbors who use less of the earth’s resources while living an abundant life.”
Quick story—when my young daughter began attending forest school, I felt some insecurity as a parent. Born at the height of the pandemic, she spent her toddler years mostly away from others. Somewhere deep down, I knew that these other kids would quickly discover who she really is—faults and all. There would be no removing her, no apologizing on her behalf. No closing the curtains, so to speak. In her community, she would need to find her way.
But isn’t that the point? Her little comrades would act as a mirror, teaching her what is good and worth striving for. They would rejoice in her uniqueness and diligently redirect lingering selfish ambition. In time, they would teach each other about compromise, trust, and how much better it feels to give than to receive.
This was my hope.
She would eventually grow deep roots, intertwined with others. My solitary budding sapling would instead become part of an ecosystem of deeply rooted, robust trees, able to weather storms together. Eventually She would become a safe, wise home for other life taking refuge under her established flowering branches. She would produce fruit.
Isn’t this the hope for us all? Not to simply be surrounded by other people in an isolated, dressed-up way—but to be surrounded by people in such a way that makes our solitary moments a time when we come home to our deepest selves? A place where we never feel lonely, not because of intrusive proximity, but because of intentional proximity.
When we turn our focus outward, we can sit with ourselves at the end of the day, look at the life we have built, our families, and feel peace.
I like to think that communities like this, such as _____________, offer a space similar to what forest school offers my daughter.
Of course, these communities come with responsibly—you have shared work to do, dues to pay, gardens to keep, people to be aware of, Personalities to balance. But the idea is this: the more responsibility a person has, the more freedom they are afforded. What kind of freedom? Well, the kind where You take up your cross, and maybe your neighbors too. You bear the weight, shoulder the noble burden.You develop a healthy trust. you work hard, and it means something to someone on a daily basis. You can call on your neighbor because you know them. Perhaps more importantly, you can sense that your neighbor can call on you too. And that’s a good feeling. You build a forest with others instead of planting a bunch of weaker, isolated trees.
At Hat Rack, we are all about efforts that bring our communities together. We are for the preservation of forests, symbolically and literally. planning a development like this can be complicated. Hiring the right people to help is essential. Are you ready to grow?
